Resolution.

So I'm sitting here, on the last day of 2007, with my computer on, trying to think of something to write. A grand mind-blowing entry to end the year perhaps? Or maybe just come up with the last ever emo post. Yeah? you think so? Nah,..I'm sure you don't want that. You know you love my emo-ness. ;)

Anyway, what's strange is that I've been thinking bout this. What have I achieved in my 21 years of living. Wait, I am not competing with others and the rest of the world and base how I've lived a fulfilling life by the things I've achieved. Rather, have I really achieve what I really wanted all these years. Something I really wanted to do, something I really like and am passionate of. Everytime at this point, I raise a question, a dreaded one. What do I REALLY like/love?
I've been tagged my whole life by the family as 'Jack of all traits, and master of none' , in which I myself find hard to deny.
I can easily come up with a list of stuff I 'thought' I was interested and gotten myself involved in.
Piano. Guitar. Singing. Reading.Fashion. Comicist. Drama. Writing. Photography. Fine Art, Collecting Stickers. Poems. Gym.
Man, I could go on and on. Tried all of them and I like them all. But you know you can never have it all. That leaves me with no choice but to pick one/two and at least master them. That raise another question. Should I choose what I love most but not exactly the one that I'm best at. Or should i base my choice on the one that I'm best at but least love. That's too confusing. But that's how the mind works, you look for excuses.
But set aside all that, I don't even feel like making a choice to begin with. Why isn't there a passion that would drive me just as much as how it drew Leonardo Da Vinci close and in tuned with the world of art. I want that. and often I get so envious with people who really know what they love. You love cars so much. that's easy. Just do something related to cars. You love to social. alright, get into mass com then, you'll mingle well there. So what do I really love doing?

Good question.

Being 'Jack of all traits' certainly has its plus points. You're a handyman. you can do everything. It's great. Variety is good. Yeah, it surely is. But you never excel in one. And you will never be remembered as one. Especially when you're at THE point of your life. This is when you realize it's time to get serious. you gotta think hard. Set a goal. Set your mind to it. Focus and then work your ass towards it. Because before you know it, It's another new year again. and you're running out of time.


I wanna be able to stand here, and proclaim boldly of my passion to you and then work my way through and never give up no matter what happens. So, there you go. My PASSION.. is.. hrm..





....
maybe tomorrow. ^-^''


Blessed New Year Everyone! :D

Female Beatboxer - Sophia Beatbox Part9

THAT'S GIRL POWER MAN!!!!
Check out her other clips.

Beatbox-Beardy Man

Man, amazing.

Beatbox - Felix Zenger

THIS is good stuff.

I'm watching YOU

you wish.

I'm done with my boring routine.
and I suddenly thought of this.

GOOGLE EARTH!! :D

what could be more interesting than this ? ooi-yeoo will agree ;)
oh, spot tiny Malaysia =]






Call me ignorant, but I never knew the existance of 'Pulau babi besar'.
So there's a tiny unnamed island above 'Pulau tioman'. I shall discover that and I'll start my own country over there, and it shall be named 'Emmericaa'!!
what do you think ;) ?




Then i found Newcastle, Aus.

More specifically, North Lambton =]

Ahhh,..so it looks like that from above.. hrmmm...

Next destination. My personal favourite. More like a 'dream place'.

Venice. 'The city of Water' . What a magnificent view.

Nice. =]

Look! It is shaped like a 'fish' . No wonder it's gonna sink, Because it's a FISH. It's time to get back into the water!

Don't know if I'll ever get there.

(please don't sink first :[ )

Then I wanna go here. Paris. ^-^

'The city of Lights' and, Romance ;)


And then here. Just for the tech & Culture! =P

And of course, here :]

Meanwhile, lets just look at maps . hahah.

Well,...

"It's a small world after all~!! "

..

.

yeah right.

Psalm 51:1-4

1.Have mercy on me O God,
because of your unfailing love
Because of your great compassion
blot out the stain of my sins
2.Wash me clean from my guilt
purify me from my sin
3.For I recognize my shameful deeds
they haunt me day and night
4.Against you, and you alone, have I sinned.
I have done what is evil in your sight
You will be proved right in what you say
& your judgement against me is just.

@#$%^&*#$^!!!!!!!

omg. i promise you this ISN'T paranoia. but Where the heck is everyone???!!!

I am so bloody frustrated I can kill.




silence is deafening.

''being with you is like being allergic to water. ''

I found my emo-half (Ponytail Parades by Emery)

Three sleepless nights
This isn't how it's supposed to be
But you're so good at taking your time
To give back to me

I will wait for you forever
If you would just ask me
I thought that I could change you
But you changed me

But it doesn't feel right
Holding someone else's hand
Together on phone lines
And living at two opposite ends
It scares me to think that you could find takers
Other than me and better than me

But your head is elsewhere
And I'm talking enough for both of us
When will you see it's not so easy for me

You're careless and whispered
Insulting and bruising

And I thought that you said
Things were improving
These laces are untied
But my feet are walking away
(I fall from your eyes. Your eyes I trusted. You said forever)
I never thought you could say these words
Is this really happening
(don't say that we can still be friends)
Erase my name from this page
How can you take all these days
(what is inside me, what have I done)
And throw them away,
(is this the only way that you will notice me)
As I sit here waiting for you
(dead words for closed ears, all this is sung for you)
I stay up nights
(if you are still pretending this is what's right)
Until stars leave the sky
(why can you look at me can you only see)
Knowing what my dreams can take away
(sides, your side, can take away)

Walk away from me
This night is done

blessed Christmas everyone =]

24th Dec

It has always been you making me proud, but never the other way round.

Im sorry I didn't turn out the way you want me to.

I'm sorry that your friends' child do so well in school and always make them proud but because of me, you can never experience such pride.

You had only one chance in raising me up and yet you did it so well.

I am sorry I should be looking after you now but you are still doing the job.

I am sorry I still make you worry so much.

I've been so dependent on you I can't imagine what I'd do without you.

I am sorry I never appreciate the things you've done for me, instead I get so angry at you because of what you didn't provide me.

Things only got worse when I had to go against you because of what i believe,
and because of that it hurts so much that I feel so connected to you yet so far away from you.

I know i've disappoint you countless times and I've upset you.

So today, I wanna let you know,
I am sorry again because I am not going to pursue what you want me to.
I won't want to pursue wealth.
I won't want to pursue status.
I won't want to pursue fame.
because if I do, this will make you happy.
I am sorry, I don't want to make you happy.

because I love you.

and because i love you, I don't want to just make you happy.
I want so much more for you.
I don't want just happiness for you,
I want happiness that is everlasting for you.
I want salvation for you.

I believe ..
..there will be that day where we can just talk about anything under the sky.
there will be that day where we will say grace together.
there will be that day where we will make godly decisions together.
and there will be that day where we will celebrate the true meaning of christmas together.


though you will never understand now, but I believe you will one day.

and I am not giving up,..
..even if that consumes me.
because i love you.

and that, is what I will do for you.

Happy birthday mummy.

love,
your beloved daughter.

L is for..

L- Lost
O- Of
V- Valuable
E- Energy



don't agree?
go give yourself a try ;)

You gotta read this

because I wrote this.
BUT I was 17 years then, back in form 5.

I was browsing through my highschool year book MGS Identiti 2003 , (emo as usual) and I found this. Classic.


Kerana Engkau (Pg 69)
- Eccentric-me

Keindahan yang kumiliki,
Kesempurnaan yang kurasai,
Lenyap.. dalam saat yang tidak pernah kunanti
Bagaikan kehilangan sinar cahaya,
yang selama ini menjadi pergantungan

kau melangkah pergi,
bersama harapan yang selama ini kucurahkan
hanya kecaian memori yang kau tinggalkan

hatiku takut, badanku lemas..
Aku merangkak dalam kegelapan,
berbekalkan harapan yang menjanjikan kekecewaan,
mencari sinar yang ada,
hanya.. kebingungan yang memenuhi diriku,
.. Kau sudah tiada..

Namun, saat-saat perit, tetap kulalui..
hanya bayang-bayang diri menjadi teman seperjuangan..
Mentari yang pernah dihilangkan,
Kini aku mencari kembali.

Kerana engkau, aku tumbang..
dan kerana engkau jugalah, aku bangkit semula..



fuyohh. i can't believe i actually wrote that.


Direct Translation :

The bliss/beauty I once own,
The perfection i once felt,
Vanish in just a second that i've never waited/hoped for.
Seems like I've lost the source of light,
that I've been dependent on all these while.

You walked away,
Along with hopes that I've poured in all these while
And all that you've left me behind with is just bits of memories.

I'm scared..
And I feel weak..
I crawl in darkness,
as I bear hopes with promised disappointments,
I look for a ray of light..
But nothingness fills me,
now that you're gone.

Despite that, I still go through the times of sufferings,
With my shadow as my only 'faithful companion' .
The sunlight that was once lost,
I found it back.

It is because of you that I fell apart,
but it is also because of you that I got myself back up.

..

(somewords I just can't describe it in english, it's just too powerful. *chehwah* well. i guess the point is, you jz gotta appreciate the significance of bahasa melayu ;) )


Words in which held so much more meaning than just what is translated.

Keindahan: Extremely beautiful, magnificent
Kesempurnaan : Contentment/Perfect and just right/Flawless.
berbekalkan: bearing something/something that you actually carry with/bring along.
kebingungan: Lost/clueless/ mental breakdown.
teman seperjuangan: describes ppl who go thru good&hard times with u (ex: friends at the army)
tumbang: usually describing how a tree fall. (now, .... imagine that)
bangkit: more like "resurrect". You die and you wake up again. (uhuh, very strong word)

Which is why you cannot really translate them.
Ahh, the significance of BM. So much meaning in a word.

haha, i feel like i am giving lessons. hehe.

just let me syok for while laaa..



I actually thought, THOUGHT of pursuing Bahasa melayu.
crazy.


I wonder sometimes, what if i really did?

Saya malaysian-lahh

Had a 'mamak' session with m.kuan today. again =P.

yeah, what else can we do in klang, right.

oh anyway, i was craving for 'shin chan' comic book!!!but all sold in chinese urghh!

i want bahasa melayu translation lah!!! it's so hard to find one. so sad.

in the end ended up in 7-eleven. and i was soooo desperate for a comic book that i just bought this :

Kirana Cinta pertama! hahah! (the 7-eleven 'Abang' recomended ok. he said cunnnn)

omg i cant wait to read.

then... I tak puas . Went all the way to 'kedai runcit hemma' haha, lame i know. still in the hunt for 'shin chan' ..

we found tikam machine! classic.

mkuan gatal wanna tikam. then i kiasu,

it's just 50 cents. so i also tikam

omg mkuan is so lame she wanted this monsters. but i told her it's so ugly, so she found something else, some torch light ring. she said its cool. then she spent RM1.00 just to tikam again, but poor her, she got a ball instead. hahahah.

this is why we call this machine a tikam machine cuz you will not necessary get whtever the

picture shows. you gotta try your 'luck'.

i was in the mood today. So i spent unnecessarily.

RM 6.50 -comic

RM 0.50 - Tikam

RM 0.20 - APOLLO

RM 0.20 - Se7en candy

RM 1.60 - BIKA snack

RM 9.00 = 3.00 AUD for so many things leh.

Happy-Lahh !!

nyekk nyekk nyekk.

Spot the 'se7en' candy. 5 bucks for whoever who can spot that.

the egg thing that i tikam-ed. apparently it's called the 'crystal baby' .

you put some water in it then it will grow and multiply..

it's the 'in' thing right now. apparently.

'crystal babies'

omg. it grew.

ok actually its the same concept as the 'fertilizer' crystal balls. i don't even know why i bother tikam-ing. so lebih.


there, instead of using soil. you use this.

hrmmm.. nowadays,.. nowadays.....


Unwrapped the book. and lets see, if this is gonna be a good book.

and first chapter of the book..

'spring girl'.

hrmmmm..............

I suka -lah ;)

nyahahhahahahaha!!!

dishwalla - collide

The tunnel

.......and you're more than halfway through in this tunnel. A tunnel that links from one place to another. In this case, from the past to the future. So you're walking through this dark path. You can't see anything. All these because you decided you wanted to grow out of your past and move on. You can't see what is ahead. You are so afraid and you never felt so alone before. Right now, you are almost regretting each step you take. You are at the verge of giving up. You pause and look back. You have a strong urge to run back towards where you first started. But it's too late, because it's been quite a journey. The future is too intimidating & uncertain, yet the past is too dark you don't wanna go back. You are left with no choice. So you channel all your thoughts to Him and you focus ahead. You take in a deep breath and you continue your journey through this never ending tunnel. And by faith, you continue to walk.. and you walk...

:]

midvalley

Elicia: omg jie,... i just found the perfect shop for you!

me : no way.

???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish you love

.....

..And in July a lemonade,
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health.
But more than wealth,
I wish you love.


My breaking heart and I agree,
That you and I could never be
So with my best,
My very best,

I set you free...


-Rachael Yamagata

Dreams

Dreams are not meant to be fulfilled. And if you are able to fulfil your 'dream', it is not a dream in the first place.

what makes a dream A DREAM, and what makes A DREAM something we want so badly, is simply because it is unachievable. and it HAS to be. We very often end up doing stuff that we dont like and never dreamt of doing , and never had the passion for.
And very often you hear

" i never wanted to do this course at the first place, it's something else tht i've always dreamt of doing."

" i hate this job that I'm doing, if i had the chance, i would have done that..cuz tht was my dream job"

" my ultimate dream, is to be there..right THERE "

I guess the whole point of having a dream is because, it is simply unattainable. And i guess that's what makes A DREAM So.....


significant.




unfulfilled dream. is like..
sweet misery..

it's MISERABLE. cuz you can't fulfill it. but it's SWEET. cuz you LOVE your dream and you Love how it is so unattainable and for some reasons you love dwelling on the 'what ifs..' and 'if onlys"...over and over again.

significant huh?


sweet misery.
oh, what sweet contradiction.


man, i love it.






p/s- You dream fulfillers *roll eyes* out there, You need not take this entry seriously.)



*Entry contain sprinkled bitterness & sadisism. Author's going through a series of emotions.

today

-piano
-'yao cha kuai'

-Church with munkhea! =) (Gosh, the pastor reminds me of you, ERIC CHAN! if you're reading this. I was the only crazee one laughing non-stop cuz you both have the SAME accent and sound the SAME! "halleluuuuujahhh!" haa!
It's as if fast-fwd 20 years and you're in front there preaching. haha!
I actually went up to him and ask if you're his son!!
man, he is REALLY funny.

-what a way to bum into you, Mich T. of all places. Church huh?

-I'm no longer youth!!!!AAahhHHhhhhh......... (Man, the kids has grown up so much..)
-curry noodles (hopefully not the last time)
-short nap (a forced one, thanks to uhhrmm..)
-baskin robbins (AGAIN, i knw)
-quality time with Mich T ( Very good catch up. We had a good laugh, aye?)
-nasi lemak AND roti kosong at ONCE (YES...... that explains ..)
-on-line
-ryl??? CALL ME will you????
-back to virus -____-''



urgh.


Ask me out, someone. ANYONE!!! *in desperate tone*

old-town, baskin-robbins,mamak..

"Friendships often end in love, but LOVE in friendships- never."


..is all I have to say for tonight.



p/s- I love you all so very much. =)

miss-takes?

you sacrifice something you already have in order to have something else that you know is worth it. But after that, you realize you can't really have it afterall.

In the end, you realize you just lost everything.
..


..and you think again, if it's worth it afterall.

masak-masak

I really miss those times.

and why am i missing you two so much.

you know I am so lost right now..=(

faster come back.

sigh...

-____-

10 months

This song pretty much summarizes what I have to say, for this whole year.

..

I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods


I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works



when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard

when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them


If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found



I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more

I've thrown away the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works


Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet You love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again and do so willingly


You give me hope,
and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart,
and when You do You make it light
as I exhale I hear Your voice

and I answer You,
though I hardly make a noise
and from my lips,
the words I choose to say seem pathetic,
but it's a fallen man's praise
because I love You
oh God, I love You

and life is now worth living if only because of You
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth


When I go down
I lift my eyes up to You
I won't look very far cause You'll be there with open arms
to lift me up again
to lift me up again


Relient K- When i go down

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANOTHER time someone mention 'FAT' or 'BIG' or just simply STARE at ME with ASTONISHMENT in anyway, I promise I will so ROAR at your FACE!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.









for now.

grrr..

One after another

When will this end?
I've done what I could.
I've done what I can.

So is this what You will for me?
And am I expected to just accept this.

Cuz really, all I wanna do now is just point fingers at You.
and scream "I HATE YOU!" out loud.

You DONT exist.

No, wait.

You do.

cuz I heard You.
I heard You just last sunday.

You spoke through Pastor Tony from his sermon.
I remember.
"Faith is learning to trust God in the dark, in the unknowing,& in apparent failure."
I wont deny how hard it is to live up to this. At least, right now.

Was that a warning beforehand?
Cuz I am not prepared.
Cuz I never knew it would be this hard until I had to go through this myself.

... cuz I felt I've lost faith.


I don't understand Your ways.
and I blame You for all that I am going through right now.
because I am sick and tired of all these.
and I could only take in so much.



but You said..

"..he (Job) is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you (satan) incited me against him to ruin him without any reason"
-Job 2:3-

I wanna be like Job too...
i really do.
I wanna trust You with all my heart.
and I shouldnt be blaming You, instead continue to praise you.
With fear, reverence, and worship, I wanna serve You for who You are and not for what You may give me.

"suffering has a humbling role" .
I never understood how is that so.





..

But now I do.

Diggin' into the past

F.I.R. - 我們的愛
Used to be my fav band.
Because of their unique genre. Contemporary+Classical+baroque. Very creative combination. Not so much in this song, probably in 'LYDIA'.
Never bother finding out the meaning to the lyrics, but I guess the videoClip says it all.
i like ;)

20kgs only

WHATT!!!!!???

oh well.
I'll see what I can do.

grrrr...

Alone. (This is when)

And again, walking down the same street.
With trails of the same ol' intoxicating fragrance.
And in the stillness of the night,
I see stars, my only companion.

Surrounded by intimidating darkness,
Yet, I engage myself in silence.
And for what seems like eternity,
I spend alone, in blissfulness.

Moved in here.
3 days now.
Surrounded by not a single soul.
Again, I succumb to silence.
Well, here I am, alone again.
Why does it feels so good?

Because this is when,
I could be vulnerable.
Because this is when,
I am needy.

Because this is when
I am free from everything worldly.
Because this is when,
I will be found.
Because this is when,
I turn to You.
Because being Alone is when I'll find comfort in You.

It feels so right none can fathom,
This is the best place in the world,
to be alone with You and Only You.
Because this is when we reconcile.
Because this is when I know I can trust You.

Because this is when I'll fall before You,

and to realize I am not forsaken, instead I am forgiven.
And knowing I am still Yours & You forever mine.

-Eccentric-me.

that i would be good

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you

-Alanis Morissette

The truth

And I've collected all these thoughts
And I'm dying just to lose them
And if your words are true or not
I'll die trying to prove them
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me to do is to trust you

Convince me
Because I really need your help
Oh convince me
Because I can't see this for myself

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

This is so unnerving
I know you've never lied to me before
But the things you're telling me
I can't yet believe
Yet can't ignore
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me is to trust you

Put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

It's a world full of cynics
Who say to stay alive in it
You gotta stick with what you know
But the soul is always aching
For the heart to start taking
A chance by letting go

So let go
Let go
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth
Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
Cause sometimes when you're trying to sleep
And all your doubts and your faith don't agree its cause
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

-Relient k

love101

It almost seems like i am pursuing sociology majoring in boy/girl relationships degree in Uni. Probably a double degree in 'feminism' as well. ;) Too much hanging out with jshi (*wink*)& focus ppl. (not a bad thing, infact we manage to come up with a few pretty interesting theories)

I won't go through every theory but J.shi came up with something i find worth pondering.

1) Girls always fall for 'jerks'.

Not jerks as in JERKS but more like imperfect guys, the one who doesnt meet every criterias in her checklists.

eg:"I will never date someone who is not a gentleman."

"A guy who swears is a big turn off"

"I will never be with a guy who throw tantrums"

"I will never be with someone who doesnt remember important dates"

"I hate rude guys"

"He is such a slacker, no way I'll ever fall for him"

...and yet she breaks all rules.

Why?

because during the period of loving a 'jerk' , you develop patience, so so much of them.. because it is not self-seeking to love someone who doesnt meet your wants/requirements/checklist and so you tend to love unselfishly. You learn to not boast, and because he is such a 'jerk' , you then develop perseverence altogether.

Wow, sounding so much like the true definition of Love.

Indeed.

The ultimate love is very hard to achieve.

because if the perfect guy ever exists, you'd probably not develop all the above mentioned.

In conclusion, girls always fall for 'jerks', and just don't mind going through so much and putting up with all the crap.

Because only through that can LOVE exist.



So yeah. Who's to say loving a 'jerk' is a bad thing?

Long walk home

Finding myself in a place i've never been
where i don't know myself or anyone else
I can dream about the past or i can just let it go
I lost track of time five days ago
What is it about you that makes me want to stay
Is it all the love or is it just the pain

Don't leave me now we've come too far
just to set our eyes on a new star
i'll ride on clouds til you come down
just promise me you'll always leave the ground

In the drivers seat is my self-esteem
where i know that the heart should be
I'm cleaning off these shelves to show you how i've changed
and if all goes well tonight we'll call for rain
i'm moving pass the past at the slowest of speeds
hoping that our love exceeds our insecurities

finding myself finding myself
finding myself finding myself
finding myself find yourself

I'm running in circles
It's you i'm thinking of
and if you don't want to talk then this isn't love
A new destination i'll say my goodbyes
with my back turned to you
At least i know we tried.

-This day & age

candy cane

The candy cane is in the shape of a shepherd's staff. Jesus is our Shepherd and we are His flock. (John 10:11) Upside down, the candy cane is the shape of a "J", the first letter of Jesus name. (Luke 1:31) The wide red stripe represents the blood He shed on the cross for each one of us, so that we can have eternal life through Him. (Luke 22:20) The white stripe represents the sinlesness and purity of our Lord. (1 Peter 2:22)

The narrow red stripe represents that by His stripes or wounds, we are healed. (1 Peter 2:4) The flavouring in the candy cane is peppermint which is similar to hyssop. Hyssop is of the mint family and was used in the Old Testament for purification and sacrifice. (John19:29)
When we break our candy cane it reminds us that Jesus body was broken for us. (1 Cor 11:24)

If we share our candy cane and give it to someone else in love because we want to, it represents the same love of Jesus because He is to be shared with one another in love.






hrmm... not just any candy ;)

lovin' it

ahh.. why do i have to bump into you.

Greetings...

i am blogging, in sydney.
i know.
how lame is that, when i should be out the whole day.
reason being: broke

met up with Elvin ( my long lost childhood friend i used to admire ), for the first time today after 12 years. And. AND. crashed at his place *shameless*
Neva used to be this daring.
And walked from the apartment out to meet jo, bobb,& flav.. myself. MYSELF=P
again, i am so growing up *giving leech a wide smile*

and found out bout this a coup of months ago that Elvin's gf is sin wee (from mgs) 's sister.
hah! small small world. She's nice. great hospitality. Even smaller, bumped into mandy from canberra who jz got here and gonna head to newie :D

nice weather today.. sunny. moderate temperature. Can't believe im wasting it here indoor, blogging.

said bye to bobb for the last time. hopefully will be able to catch you in singapore, otherwise.. till we meet again.

p/s: 'post-exam syndrome' is taking a toll on me.

helpless

Never in my life I felt I had to depend on You this much, until now.

too late.

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down,
but wait,

You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late.



I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turning blue, and you say...

"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

-One republic-Apologize-

bitter

no one bother/like discussing answers after exams with me because i am not good academically and it is simply non-beneficial.







but i didn't think you would be like them too.

JunShi

I thought I'd start with "you're a shinning star and you brighten the day", but somehow I figured, that's just too cliche'.



Nutrition & Dietetics is what you pursue, but skipping lunches & snacking out hard is of cuz, another issue ? :P



And did they not know you're NOT just all about food & books, but you could also do a few good moves ;)



Oh don't they ever deny, that beautiful eyes of yours, hidden behind that pair of glasses as they passes you by.



you sometimes put on a look so blur, but oh that just makes you such a dear.



you're intelligent, you're firm, you're beautiful. You're simply one unique chick.



Softness you may portray, like a timid mouse they say,
but dont be decieved dear friends, She'll never let you prey!



Your friends, you inspire. For the Lord, you are on fire. And that is what I really do admire!




So, Happy 21st my precious dear friend,

Indulge in some fun,

and have a blessed one!



:)

concealed

behind every smile, behind every laughter,

lies a broken heart.

Stress

I don't even have the time to poo.


you get the point.

This is for you.

I thought that I'd try something different.
But I stumbled upon this which speaks right through my heart.
So, there you go...

This is for you.

The one person i can tell my heart to.
Who can relate to me like no other
Who I can laugh with to no extents,
Who I can cry to when times are tough,
Who can help me with the problems of my life.

Never have you turned your back on me
Or told me I wasn't good enough
Or let me down.

I don't think you know what that means to me
You have went through so much pain and you still have time
For me.
And I love you for listening even when inside you are dying.
And I look up to you because you are strong, and caring and beautiful.
Even though you don't think you are.

And I hope you know that I am always here
To listen to you laugh and cry and help
In all the ways that i can
And I will try to be at least half the friend you are
To me.

I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, without you.
And I thank God for you,
My best friend.



Happy 21st birthday Cheryl G. (affectionately known as ryl)

Love you and God bless :)

I close my eyes

..And I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now. In Christ, there are no goodbyes. And in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have.. To see you again.

Yes, I do..

like most girls,
have an ideal guy in mind.

muahahhahaahaha. I know I know I know.
I don't usually do this, just SO NOT me.

BUT today, i thought I'd reveal this little 'otherside' of me. hahah!


There goes..
1) Ryan Gosling- (man, the ultimate romance)
2)Joshua Ang- (bad boy kind, me like ; but apparently, taken-_-)
3)Milo Ventimiglia-(THIS. Unattainable)

And finally.
The one with THE character and THE personality that I've been looking for.
The one who's driving my adrenaline crazy.
The one who's keeping me up at nite.
The one who's made me felt like I've never FELT before. (???!)
The one.. the one... aahhhhh! dunno how to describe.

And he is..

Phillip Wang!


*faints*




p/s- and NO. It's NOT about/because of the looks. This isn't superficial. Definately NOT.





RYL!! WE ARE GOING TO THE STATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X)
(but uh, save up first -__-'')

I'm coming!!!

I.am.so.going.to.the STATES.


I can't believe you'd impact me THIS much.
urghh!

This is what you get

flora: "hey emmm!!! "
"wo gen ni shuo e chien shi, ni bu yao shang xin, hao ma?

"se mo?"

flora: "ni .... phang le.."

"-___-"

flora: "e tien tien la.. e tien tien!.. "

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*obviously 'hen tuo'.*



.... when you meet up with friends who havent seen you for a while.

This is what I call...

'hello, how are you?'
''good, thank you. table for 4??''
'sure!'
'any drinks for a start?'

*writes* 390ml..
*writes* can.
*writes* 2xcorkage

"lets just have some entree first..um.. three sping rolls, do you reckon?"
'yeah sure..:)' *writes*... 3 x S/R
"we'll get a short soup" *writes*.. s/p
"one honey chicken." *writes*.. hon chic
"sweet & sour pork" *writes*.. s/s pork
"Large deluxe fried rice." *writes*.. LDFR
"and a sizzling mongolian lamb" *writes*.. sizz mong lamb

'anything else??'

"oh and and maybe we should get a korean seafood noodles too'
* gosh, tht's just packet noodles -__-'' *

"and some sweetsour sauce too"

'that's a dollar extra'

''yeah sure,thts fine''

-___-'' *goodness*

-----


3+3.80+10.50+9.50+5.50+13.50+12+1+2.20+2.40+2= 56.40$


um..that's 56.40,
thank you!

*ka-ching!*
there you go, 3.60 change!


thank you darln'

*smiles*
'have a good nite!'
'see ya!'


*ringggg*... *ringgg*
"hello, ****** can i help you??
'can i have some food to take away please?'

oh sure?

...
...
...
'can i have your name?'
'your number??'
'thank you.'
'that will take about umm.. 10 minutes?'
''that's alright!"
'see ya!'


"pick up for **** ?"

'there you go!'
'have a good nite!'

*fakes smile*


A routine.

Not quite yet.

Its been 7 years since...

And I should be used to it by now.



But I am not.

It's ridiculous.



sigh...

pardon my..

I was blog surfing. and i stumbled upon this site- Tinkitalks.blogspot.com.

I've got no qualms whatsoever bout her opinions/thoughts/wtv and in fact I am rather impressed with the way she perceives matters. Very good read (for young women particularly;)

Anyway, that's not the point.

There was this post where she included some random girl power quotes in which one of them I find quite ticklish.

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy."– Erica Jong

hah, I see huge smiles on faces.

SO TRUE eh??

WHILE it is indeed true that smart women really don't go for dumb guys whilst smart guys always end up with bimbos..

My little mind can't help but think...

"um.. you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.. err.... simply because most women are dumb?"

.
.
.

Gosh! what's my problem??!!

I despise my negativity, really.

'pick up' line

''I drop a tear in the ocean.
And when they find it, I'll stop loving you.''


how bout' that? ;)

lost symphony

Was doin groceries after church when i received a msg from chantal and she said if i'm still keen on goin to watch her play in a competition at 2pm. I almost forgot.

Anyhow i decided that i should. Had no single clue what was that all about.

Got there at the performing arts centre in Warner's bay at 2 +.

I was snacking lollies away as Chantal gets nervous with every passing minute.

Dressed in a red lengthy sweater with a can-can skirt, she walks up the stage holding a manuscript on her right hand.

She squints her eyes as the brightness of the lights pierce through her eyes.

Yet still, able to afford a half smile while she introduces her solo piece.

She is Melody Huang

Immediately, she pulled the present chair away from the piano and dragged another chair over from the corner of the stage.

She made herself comfortable on her chair and that took a good 25 seconds.

'Man, she must be something.'

She gently place her fingers over the keys, and before i know it...

The judges stopped writing,

The lady who was half asleep at the corner of the hall, got up,

The little kid sitting infront stopped talking.

I was there, watching closely, listening so attentively,

I was mesmerized. for once I am proud to be an asian.

'man,she IS something'

And that was only her first piece. It only gets better each time she step up on stage. She never fails to impress everyone, every piece in every different categories.
I could not detect a single flaw. Her scales were mind-blowing.
I was practically idolizing her. Well, almost.
..
...Until she went up for her 4th piece,


Ahha!, finally. A slight turbulence. oh well. She's human afterall. I needed that so badly,(i'm such a sadist am i) .





No. I just wanted to prove one point.
Point proven. :)




Chantal-2nd place for every category. She's already a champion the moment she step up on stage anyway ;)






If there was one place on earth that will be fulfilling.
Saw that? Right there. That very spot. My ultimate dream:)

..






This rather old granny came up to us.
She looks 80+ and she's still playing the piano every single day. Despite what her parents said bout her pursuing her piano, she continued with her passion. As she recalls what her former piano teacher said to her, she quote:


" You don't play the notes, you play the music that's written in it"

and I saw tears welled up in her eyes.





Which reminds me..

You and I got along so well. I was determined, pursuing you all my life. I fought for you. I struggled to keep you. I persevered. You were my best company. My best friend. You were my passion.
You were the one.

what went wrong?




I'm sorry I neglected you.
I'm sorry I gave up on you.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
I'm sorry you used to be my number one and now you're hardly remembered.
I'm sorry I didn't choose you.



No you were never forgotten, How could i ever. You never left me.

You know I'll come back for you.



Wait for me.

blog-on!

Someone said I should start writing proper posts. As in, not jz brief lines or having one whole entire post anaphorically written.



Apart from the fact that I naturally don't write so well (but still taktau malu wanna blog) and try my best to keep my posts short to avoid too many grammar mistakes, I thought that I'd reveal this much about me and yet, not enough for one to truly know me.

Hang on, hear me out.



I agree that blogging is indeed a good way to keep in touch especially when you're apart from friends, but see, here's the catch. we begin to take for granted when everything seems so convenient. Then we tend to not take the effort to call, or simply chat online. Cuz with only a click away, you can simply just read her/his blog (when you're free/ feel like it) and, tadaaa. You assume, you know what's going on.



I am not generalizing.



I guess not revealing enough simply creates the chance of having conversations between 2 friends as you chat online, or rather, when 2 friends meet up? Not just mere conversations, but genuine ones because trust me, ppl reveal only what they choose to reveal. You don't know much untill to talk to them in person.

(ah,...I'm not very much a cyber person, am I)



I am not saying writing a 1000 words post is a bad thing. but I am only implying that writing less does not necessarily mean it is a bad thing.



and this is also something that i ought to work on.

Call my friends more often. Send meaningful smses. Meet up.

I could be really annoying sometimes.

I know. -___-''



I'm not too sure what I am trying to prove either. Nvm, disregard this post.

Aftermath of FOCUS camp

I learned...

that I need to be more diciplined when it comes to reading my bible.

that I've got poor general knowledge.

that I'm blessed with great friends.

that I need to pray more often.

A new word.

that I am ignorant.

that I've got my priorities all wrong.

that I need to take up at least, A sport.

to accept differences.

there are indeed caring ppl in this world.

that I suck at telling lies.

that christians are also human and are imperfect.

that I am too harsh sometimes.

that I need to be more appreciative.

that I am a good accuser.

that I CAN dice cucumbers.

that I should be less sensitive.

to accept hard facts.

that God should be the focus in my life.

that I've been stagnant in my music.

that the opposite sex are indeed very much the opposite.

that I've been selfish.

what does it mean to be in the body of Christ.

that there are so many hidden talents.

that I have so much more to learn.

that my stamina never improved,


yet,I survived camp :)

ShoutOut

Happy 21st, Shwu Tyng :)

....
..
.

...and thank you for the 14 years friendship.

i mean it @_@













really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My happy ending.

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the sh*t that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

So much for my happy ending..

-Avril Lavigne's - My happy ending-






which reminds me..
..

mooncake & lanterns VS bush dance & BBQ

Had a decent FOCUS gathering ytd.

one word: Awesome!


Venue was at Raymond Terrace. (Rolf's house)-I hope I spell that correctly
1/2 hour drive in Mich's car, with WenYa, ze and me being the passengers.
Arrived at about 7 or so.

Was an outdoor thing though.
We started off with some BBQ..

BBQ pitt .(reminds me of home.. sobs*)

(not very fond of the current camera though,doesnt produce as good pictures as my previous one)

chicken,beef/lamb i dunno,something liver,sausages,spanish eyes.

Apparently, you just make a hole in the middle of the bread and put an egg in the middle and taddaa!- ''spanish eyes''!

Don't ask me why. no one knows why. Dave asked why not chinese eyes, cuz it's yellow in colour wad?

-__-''

Well I think he should just make french toast. Because when he make a hole in the middle of the bread,he throws tht piece away and it is such a waste!

salads...

Paul & Dene did their 'thing'. Pretty impressive though.

I'm sure there are more pics . but not in my camera. Didn't really have the time to *snap snap* cuz I was too bz being 'spontaneous' .aherm

Dene & his lill Eliott & his puppy..

J.shi & shy Elliot.

Mostly, catching up with ppl.
Talk talk talk. Eat eat eat
(will try to get more pics)

Proceeded with mooncakes (all the way from Gosford by Dave) and Jess gave a brief myth about the existance of mooncake. hahah.

Had lanterns hanging all around the garden. Really pretty scene.

I PROMISE I was gonna capture a picture of this nice lantern when all of a sudden it fell off the branch and burnt. -_-''

"Everyone,! Eat your mooncake and gaze at the moon while you're at it" - (Jess, 2007)
I find that pretty hillarious!

but we all did as told, anyway.

caught in the act. very spontaneous. I like ;)
That's wenYa and Ze.

An attempt to capture the moon. failed.

ahhh.. Classic.

me still looking fat in pics. will consider posting up my pics when i think i've lost some weight heh ^-^

Jess & J.shi read out some riddle to us. And as usual I was too slow to even understand the riddle, what more thinking of an answer. [no presents for me :( ]

Best things always comes at the end.
Had the grand bush dance. (A very typical aussie tradition, or maybe it's just newie?)
Joyce taught us the steps. Far out.
We got exhausted by the end of it.

And that's not just it. Matt suggested "The Hookie pookie" immediately after the dance.
Now THIS is the crazy fun part.
The circle was HUGE.

Was completely worn-out by the end of the day.

. .

Good music. great company. genuine conversations. invaluable quality time.

When was the last time I truly let my hair down.

*exhale..*

It's been a while..