Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Oh, you meant me?!
Conservative (very)
Always wants the last word. (sometimes, sometimes.)
Argumentative. (that's healthy ok)
Worries. (Alot)
Very smart. (I am quite, actually ;) )
Pessimistic (pretty obvious)
Dislikes noise and chaos. (peace ^-^)
Eager. (YES)
Hardworking. (I try,i try..)
Often shy (I am ok!)
Easy to talk to (sure =])
Loyal. (of course ;)
Beautiful. (like, duh)
Harsh. (I try not to)
Dominant in relationships. (not always)
Hard to please (really? ..No -lahh!..)
Practical & fussy (Where got??!!)
oh, and you forgot! - Eccentric!
7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
Don't want.
bluff ppl one.
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Insignificant
Her alarm clock won't stop ringing. She struggles as she tries to reach out for the clock. It's 4 in the morning. Yet another routine.
She pulls herself up, out of the room and takes a warm shower to start the day.
It's rather chilly and she puts on the water boiler. oh well, that would probably take a while.
And 3 steps away, lies 2 cups and a bowl by the sink that was left overnight. The girls must have had supper again, she thought.
Just around the corner, the mounting laundry is calling out to her. She immediately picks and chucks them into the washing machine.
What's for breakfast today. Biscuits will do, and a cup of coffee to go with, of course.
Perfect.
She walks out of the house, into the garden. And for one moment she was caught in space. Nature never fails. She inhale the freshest air as the cool breeze lightly brushes her face. How intoxicating.
With a broom on one hand and a dustpan on the other, she begin to sweep all area surrounding the garden and picks up dried leaves.
From the other end, the little dog never stops barking, calling out to her.
She's not alone afterall.
It's almost 8 a.m now, and the dog hasn't stop strolling around the garden. She continues to hang the washed clothes to dry under the sun as she watches the dog run around with freedom.
For one moment, she wished she could stay longer.
It's no longer chilly now. She got back into the house and she always remember to lock the doors.
She does some remaining ironing in her room, proceeded with the other house chores and everything else to beautify the house.
She looks at the clock several times, and she quietly walk upstairs, very careful not to wake the girls. She's meaning to knock on the girls' door. She knows they are still asleep and because of that she's running behind schedule.
But nothing can be done except cleaning up the 2 other remaining rooms.
It's almost 11am now. Finally.
The family take turns to use the bathroom. Everyone's rushing, she wonders why.
"we're heading off to the city today" -one said.
oh yes, yes. It's a wednesday. how absent minded.
She pause for a second to look at the girls in their best dress. How pretty. She secretly wished she own one.
She locks the front gate as she watches them leave the house. She gave in a faint smile.
Within seconds, the house is empty again, overtaken by the sudden silence. She dread this moment. She has always.
I wonder what are they doing right now. Are they also thinking of me as how I think of them now, she thought.
I really shouldnt get started. A little voice in her mind says.
and so she shakes that thought off her mind.
It's noon and the sun has been out for a while now.
It is now sizzling hot. She feels lethargic. She doesnt feel good.
She can't fall sick.
Unfold clothes, untidy rooms, messy kitchen.
No not now, not today.
She walks into her room and take a peep at the calendar. She crosses out today's date. 565 more days to go.
She let out the longest sigh.
It is so hot and humid and yet she turns off the fan.
She could feel thumpings in her head and now she can hardly balance herself.
She has fallen sick.
Night falls, and the house is still as empty & quiet as before.
It's 12 midnight now,
and she misses her family.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
To you, and to you.
What I thought wasn't mine,
In the light
Wasn't one of a kind,
A precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause
I wasn't allowed
Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain
When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself
What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I walked away
Gomenasai, for everything.
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now.
T.A.T.U-Gomenasai
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
..is THIS
hahah. hopefully. ;) Anyway, she's Marie Digby, doing a cover of Incubus-love hurts. Check her other clips out if you will. She's gonna be a STAR. Her first album will be out around April 2008.
yeah. this is what I've been doing :P
Monday, December 31, 2007
Resolution.
Anyway, what's strange is that I've been thinking bout this. What have I achieved in my 21 years of living. Wait, I am not competing with others and the rest of the world and base how I've lived a fulfilling life by the things I've achieved. Rather, have I really achieve what I really wanted all these years. Something I really wanted to do, something I really like and am passionate of. Everytime at this point, I raise a question, a dreaded one. What do I REALLY like/love?
I've been tagged my whole life by the family as 'Jack of all traits, and master of none' , in which I myself find hard to deny.
I can easily come up with a list of stuff I 'thought' I was interested and gotten myself involved in.
Piano. Guitar. Singing. Reading.Fashion. Comicist. Drama. Writing. Photography. Fine Art, Collecting Stickers. Poems. Gym.
Man, I could go on and on. Tried all of them and I like them all. But you know you can never have it all. That leaves me with no choice but to pick one/two and at least master them. That raise another question. Should I choose what I love most but not exactly the one that I'm best at. Or should i base my choice on the one that I'm best at but least love. That's too confusing. But that's how the mind works, you look for excuses.
But set aside all that, I don't even feel like making a choice to begin with. Why isn't there a passion that would drive me just as much as how it drew Leonardo Da Vinci close and in tuned with the world of art. I want that. and often I get so envious with people who really know what they love. You love cars so much. that's easy. Just do something related to cars. You love to social. alright, get into mass com then, you'll mingle well there. So what do I really love doing?
Good question.
Being 'Jack of all traits' certainly has its plus points. You're a handyman. you can do everything. It's great. Variety is good. Yeah, it surely is. But you never excel in one. And you will never be remembered as one. Especially when you're at THE point of your life. This is when you realize it's time to get serious. you gotta think hard. Set a goal. Set your mind to it. Focus and then work your ass towards it. Because before you know it, It's another new year again. and you're running out of time.
I wanna be able to stand here, and proclaim boldly of my passion to you and then work my way through and never give up no matter what happens. So, there you go. My PASSION.. is.. hrm..
....
maybe tomorrow. ^-^''
Blessed New Year Everyone! :D
Sunday, December 30, 2007
I'm watching YOU
and I suddenly thought of this.
what could be more interesting than this ? ooi-yeoo will agree ;)
oh, spot tiny Malaysia =]

Call me ignorant, but I never knew the existance of 'Pulau babi besar'.
So there's a tiny unnamed island above 'Pulau tioman'. I shall discover that and I'll start my own country over there, and it shall be named 'Emmericaa'!!
what do you think ;) ?
Then i found Newcastle, Aus.

Saturday, December 29, 2007
Psalm 51:1-4
1.Have mercy on me O God,
because of your unfailing love
Because of your great compassion
blot out the stain of my sins
2.Wash me clean from my guilt
purify me from my sin
3.For I recognize my shameful deeds
they haunt me day and night
4.Against you, and you alone, have I sinned.
I have done what is evil in your sight
You will be proved right in what you say
& your judgement against me is just.
Friday, December 28, 2007
@#$%^&*#$^!!!!!!!
I am so bloody frustrated I can kill.
silence is deafening.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
I found my emo-half (Ponytail Parades by Emery)
Three sleepless nights
This isn't how it's supposed to be
But you're so good at taking your time
To give back to me
I will wait for you forever
If you would just ask me
I thought that I could change you
But you changed me
But it doesn't feel right
Holding someone else's hand
Together on phone lines
And living at two opposite ends
It scares me to think that you could find takers
Other than me and better than me
But your head is elsewhere
And I'm talking enough for both of us
When will you see it's not so easy for me
You're careless and whispered
Insulting and bruising
And I thought that you said
Things were improving
These laces are untied
But my feet are walking away
(I fall from your eyes. Your eyes I trusted. You said forever)
I never thought you could say these words
Is this really happening
(don't say that we can still be friends)
Erase my name from this page
How can you take all these days
(what is inside me, what have I done)
And throw them away,
(is this the only way that you will notice me)
As I sit here waiting for you
(dead words for closed ears, all this is sung for you)
I stay up nights
(if you are still pretending this is what's right)
Until stars leave the sky
(why can you look at me can you only see)
Knowing what my dreams can take away
(sides, your side, can take away)
Walk away from me
This night is done
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
24th Dec
Im sorry I didn't turn out the way you want me to.
I'm sorry that your friends' child do so well in school and always make them proud but because of me, you can never experience such pride.
You had only one chance in raising me up and yet you did it so well.
I am sorry I should be looking after you now but you are still doing the job.
I am sorry I still make you worry so much.
I've been so dependent on you I can't imagine what I'd do without you.
I am sorry I never appreciate the things you've done for me, instead I get so angry at you because of what you didn't provide me.
Things only got worse when I had to go against you because of what i believe,
and because of that it hurts so much that I feel so connected to you yet so far away from you.
I know i've disappoint you countless times and I've upset you.
So today, I wanna let you know,
I am sorry again because I am not going to pursue what you want me to.
I won't want to pursue wealth.
I won't want to pursue status.
I won't want to pursue fame.
because if I do, this will make you happy.
I am sorry, I don't want to make you happy.
because I love you.
and because i love you, I don't want to just make you happy.
I want so much more for you.
I don't want just happiness for you,
I want happiness that is everlasting for you.
I want salvation for you.
I believe ..
..there will be that day where we can just talk about anything under the sky.
there will be that day where we will say grace together.
there will be that day where we will make godly decisions together.
and there will be that day where we will celebrate the true meaning of christmas together.
though you will never understand now, but I believe you will one day.
and I am not giving up,..
..even if that consumes me.
because i love you.
and that, is what I will do for you.
Happy birthday mummy.
love,
your beloved daughter.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
You gotta read this
BUT I was 17 years then, back in form 5.
I was browsing through my highschool year book MGS Identiti 2003 , (emo as usual) and I found this. Classic.
Kerana Engkau (Pg 69)
- Eccentric-me
Keindahan yang kumiliki,
Kesempurnaan yang kurasai,
Lenyap.. dalam saat yang tidak pernah kunanti
Bagaikan kehilangan sinar cahaya,
yang selama ini menjadi pergantungan
kau melangkah pergi,
bersama harapan yang selama ini kucurahkan
hanya kecaian memori yang kau tinggalkan
hatiku takut, badanku lemas..
Aku merangkak dalam kegelapan,
berbekalkan harapan yang menjanjikan kekecewaan,
mencari sinar yang ada,
hanya.. kebingungan yang memenuhi diriku,
.. Kau sudah tiada..
Namun, saat-saat perit, tetap kulalui..
hanya bayang-bayang diri menjadi teman seperjuangan..
Mentari yang pernah dihilangkan,
Kini aku mencari kembali.
Kerana engkau, aku tumbang..
dan kerana engkau jugalah, aku bangkit semula..
fuyohh. i can't believe i actually wrote that.
Direct Translation :
The bliss/beauty I once own,
The perfection i once felt,
Vanish in just a second that i've never waited/hoped for.
Seems like I've lost the source of light,
that I've been dependent on all these while.
You walked away,
Along with hopes that I've poured in all these while
And all that you've left me behind with is just bits of memories.
I'm scared..
And I feel weak..
I crawl in darkness,
as I bear hopes with promised disappointments,
I look for a ray of light..
But nothingness fills me,
now that you're gone.
Despite that, I still go through the times of sufferings,
With my shadow as my only 'faithful companion' .
The sunlight that was once lost,
I found it back.
It is because of you that I fell apart,
but it is also because of you that I got myself back up.
..
(somewords I just can't describe it in english, it's just too powerful. *chehwah* well. i guess the point is, you jz gotta appreciate the significance of bahasa melayu ;) )
Words in which held so much more meaning than just what is translated.
Keindahan: Extremely beautiful, magnificent
Kesempurnaan : Contentment/Perfect and just right/Flawless.
berbekalkan: bearing something/something that you actually carry with/bring along.
kebingungan: Lost/clueless/ mental breakdown.
teman seperjuangan: describes ppl who go thru good&hard times with u (ex: friends at the army)
tumbang: usually describing how a tree fall. (now, .... imagine that)
bangkit: more like "resurrect". You die and you wake up again. (uhuh, very strong word)
Which is why you cannot really translate them.
Ahh, the significance of BM. So much meaning in a word.
haha, i feel like i am giving lessons. hehe.
just let me syok for while laaa..
I actually thought, THOUGHT of pursuing Bahasa melayu.
crazy.
I wonder sometimes, what if i really did?
Monday, December 17, 2007
Saya malaysian-lahh
there, instead of using soil. you use this.
Unwrapped the book. and lets see, if this is gonna be a good book.







