The tunnel

.......and you're more than halfway through in this tunnel. A tunnel that links from one place to another. In this case, from the past to the future. So you're walking through this dark path. You can't see anything. All these because you decided you wanted to grow out of your past and move on. You can't see what is ahead. You are so afraid and you never felt so alone before. Right now, you are almost regretting each step you take. You are at the verge of giving up. You pause and look back. You have a strong urge to run back towards where you first started. But it's too late, because it's been quite a journey. The future is too intimidating & uncertain, yet the past is too dark you don't wanna go back. You are left with no choice. So you channel all your thoughts to Him and you focus ahead. You take in a deep breath and you continue your journey through this never ending tunnel. And by faith, you continue to walk.. and you walk...

:]

midvalley

Elicia: omg jie,... i just found the perfect shop for you!

me : no way.

???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish you love

.....

..And in July a lemonade,
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health.
But more than wealth,
I wish you love.


My breaking heart and I agree,
That you and I could never be
So with my best,
My very best,

I set you free...


-Rachael Yamagata

Dreams

Dreams are not meant to be fulfilled. And if you are able to fulfil your 'dream', it is not a dream in the first place.

what makes a dream A DREAM, and what makes A DREAM something we want so badly, is simply because it is unachievable. and it HAS to be. We very often end up doing stuff that we dont like and never dreamt of doing , and never had the passion for.
And very often you hear

" i never wanted to do this course at the first place, it's something else tht i've always dreamt of doing."

" i hate this job that I'm doing, if i had the chance, i would have done that..cuz tht was my dream job"

" my ultimate dream, is to be there..right THERE "

I guess the whole point of having a dream is because, it is simply unattainable. And i guess that's what makes A DREAM So.....


significant.




unfulfilled dream. is like..
sweet misery..

it's MISERABLE. cuz you can't fulfill it. but it's SWEET. cuz you LOVE your dream and you Love how it is so unattainable and for some reasons you love dwelling on the 'what ifs..' and 'if onlys"...over and over again.

significant huh?


sweet misery.
oh, what sweet contradiction.


man, i love it.






p/s- You dream fulfillers *roll eyes* out there, You need not take this entry seriously.)



*Entry contain sprinkled bitterness & sadisism. Author's going through a series of emotions.

today

-piano
-'yao cha kuai'

-Church with munkhea! =) (Gosh, the pastor reminds me of you, ERIC CHAN! if you're reading this. I was the only crazee one laughing non-stop cuz you both have the SAME accent and sound the SAME! "halleluuuuujahhh!" haa!
It's as if fast-fwd 20 years and you're in front there preaching. haha!
I actually went up to him and ask if you're his son!!
man, he is REALLY funny.

-what a way to bum into you, Mich T. of all places. Church huh?

-I'm no longer youth!!!!AAahhHHhhhhh......... (Man, the kids has grown up so much..)
-curry noodles (hopefully not the last time)
-short nap (a forced one, thanks to uhhrmm..)
-baskin robbins (AGAIN, i knw)
-quality time with Mich T ( Very good catch up. We had a good laugh, aye?)
-nasi lemak AND roti kosong at ONCE (YES...... that explains ..)
-on-line
-ryl??? CALL ME will you????
-back to virus -____-''



urgh.


Ask me out, someone. ANYONE!!! *in desperate tone*

old-town, baskin-robbins,mamak..

"Friendships often end in love, but LOVE in friendships- never."


..is all I have to say for tonight.



p/s- I love you all so very much. =)

miss-takes?

you sacrifice something you already have in order to have something else that you know is worth it. But after that, you realize you can't really have it afterall.

In the end, you realize you just lost everything.
..


..and you think again, if it's worth it afterall.

masak-masak

I really miss those times.

and why am i missing you two so much.

you know I am so lost right now..=(

faster come back.

sigh...

-____-

10 months

This song pretty much summarizes what I have to say, for this whole year.

..

I'll tell you flat out
it hurts so much to think of this
so from my thoughts I will exclude
this very thing that I hate more than everything is
the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods


I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more
and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works



when I go down
I go down hard
and I take everything I've learned
and teach myself some disregard

when I go down
it hurts to hit the bottom
and of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them


If and when I can
clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
into a place where
peace can search me out and find
that I'm so ready to be found



I've thrown away
the hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
so many things that could have been much more

I've thrown away the secret to find an end to this
and I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored
but that's not the way it works
no that's not the way it works


Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
while my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
reprimands me
then and there
I confess I'll blame all this on my selfishness
yet You love me
and that consumes me
and I'll stand up again and do so willingly


You give me hope,
and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart,
and when You do You make it light
as I exhale I hear Your voice

and I answer You,
though I hardly make a noise
and from my lips,
the words I choose to say seem pathetic,
but it's a fallen man's praise
because I love You
oh God, I love You

and life is now worth living if only because of You
and when they say I'm dead and gone
it won't be further from the truth


When I go down
I lift my eyes up to You
I won't look very far cause You'll be there with open arms
to lift me up again
to lift me up again


Relient K- When i go down

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANOTHER time someone mention 'FAT' or 'BIG' or just simply STARE at ME with ASTONISHMENT in anyway, I promise I will so ROAR at your FACE!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.









for now.

grrr..

One after another

When will this end?
I've done what I could.
I've done what I can.

So is this what You will for me?
And am I expected to just accept this.

Cuz really, all I wanna do now is just point fingers at You.
and scream "I HATE YOU!" out loud.

You DONT exist.

No, wait.

You do.

cuz I heard You.
I heard You just last sunday.

You spoke through Pastor Tony from his sermon.
I remember.
"Faith is learning to trust God in the dark, in the unknowing,& in apparent failure."
I wont deny how hard it is to live up to this. At least, right now.

Was that a warning beforehand?
Cuz I am not prepared.
Cuz I never knew it would be this hard until I had to go through this myself.

... cuz I felt I've lost faith.


I don't understand Your ways.
and I blame You for all that I am going through right now.
because I am sick and tired of all these.
and I could only take in so much.



but You said..

"..he (Job) is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you (satan) incited me against him to ruin him without any reason"
-Job 2:3-

I wanna be like Job too...
i really do.
I wanna trust You with all my heart.
and I shouldnt be blaming You, instead continue to praise you.
With fear, reverence, and worship, I wanna serve You for who You are and not for what You may give me.

"suffering has a humbling role" .
I never understood how is that so.





..

But now I do.

Diggin' into the past

F.I.R. - 我們的愛
Used to be my fav band.
Because of their unique genre. Contemporary+Classical+baroque. Very creative combination. Not so much in this song, probably in 'LYDIA'.
Never bother finding out the meaning to the lyrics, but I guess the videoClip says it all.
i like ;)

20kgs only

WHATT!!!!!???

oh well.
I'll see what I can do.

grrrr...

Alone. (This is when)

And again, walking down the same street.
With trails of the same ol' intoxicating fragrance.
And in the stillness of the night,
I see stars, my only companion.

Surrounded by intimidating darkness,
Yet, I engage myself in silence.
And for what seems like eternity,
I spend alone, in blissfulness.

Moved in here.
3 days now.
Surrounded by not a single soul.
Again, I succumb to silence.
Well, here I am, alone again.
Why does it feels so good?

Because this is when,
I could be vulnerable.
Because this is when,
I am needy.

Because this is when
I am free from everything worldly.
Because this is when,
I will be found.
Because this is when,
I turn to You.
Because being Alone is when I'll find comfort in You.

It feels so right none can fathom,
This is the best place in the world,
to be alone with You and Only You.
Because this is when we reconcile.
Because this is when I know I can trust You.

Because this is when I'll fall before You,

and to realize I am not forsaken, instead I am forgiven.
And knowing I am still Yours & You forever mine.

-Eccentric-me.

that i would be good

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good whether with or without you

-Alanis Morissette

The truth

And I've collected all these thoughts
And I'm dying just to lose them
And if your words are true or not
I'll die trying to prove them
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me to do is to trust you

Convince me
Because I really need your help
Oh convince me
Because I can't see this for myself

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

This is so unnerving
I know you've never lied to me before
But the things you're telling me
I can't yet believe
Yet can't ignore
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me is to trust you

Put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

It's a world full of cynics
Who say to stay alive in it
You gotta stick with what you know
But the soul is always aching
For the heart to start taking
A chance by letting go

So let go
Let go
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth
Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
Cause sometimes when you're trying to sleep
And all your doubts and your faith don't agree its cause
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

-Relient k

love101

It almost seems like i am pursuing sociology majoring in boy/girl relationships degree in Uni. Probably a double degree in 'feminism' as well. ;) Too much hanging out with jshi (*wink*)& focus ppl. (not a bad thing, infact we manage to come up with a few pretty interesting theories)

I won't go through every theory but J.shi came up with something i find worth pondering.

1) Girls always fall for 'jerks'.

Not jerks as in JERKS but more like imperfect guys, the one who doesnt meet every criterias in her checklists.

eg:"I will never date someone who is not a gentleman."

"A guy who swears is a big turn off"

"I will never be with a guy who throw tantrums"

"I will never be with someone who doesnt remember important dates"

"I hate rude guys"

"He is such a slacker, no way I'll ever fall for him"

...and yet she breaks all rules.

Why?

because during the period of loving a 'jerk' , you develop patience, so so much of them.. because it is not self-seeking to love someone who doesnt meet your wants/requirements/checklist and so you tend to love unselfishly. You learn to not boast, and because he is such a 'jerk' , you then develop perseverence altogether.

Wow, sounding so much like the true definition of Love.

Indeed.

The ultimate love is very hard to achieve.

because if the perfect guy ever exists, you'd probably not develop all the above mentioned.

In conclusion, girls always fall for 'jerks', and just don't mind going through so much and putting up with all the crap.

Because only through that can LOVE exist.



So yeah. Who's to say loving a 'jerk' is a bad thing?

Long walk home

Finding myself in a place i've never been
where i don't know myself or anyone else
I can dream about the past or i can just let it go
I lost track of time five days ago
What is it about you that makes me want to stay
Is it all the love or is it just the pain

Don't leave me now we've come too far
just to set our eyes on a new star
i'll ride on clouds til you come down
just promise me you'll always leave the ground

In the drivers seat is my self-esteem
where i know that the heart should be
I'm cleaning off these shelves to show you how i've changed
and if all goes well tonight we'll call for rain
i'm moving pass the past at the slowest of speeds
hoping that our love exceeds our insecurities

finding myself finding myself
finding myself finding myself
finding myself find yourself

I'm running in circles
It's you i'm thinking of
and if you don't want to talk then this isn't love
A new destination i'll say my goodbyes
with my back turned to you
At least i know we tried.

-This day & age

candy cane

The candy cane is in the shape of a shepherd's staff. Jesus is our Shepherd and we are His flock. (John 10:11) Upside down, the candy cane is the shape of a "J", the first letter of Jesus name. (Luke 1:31) The wide red stripe represents the blood He shed on the cross for each one of us, so that we can have eternal life through Him. (Luke 22:20) The white stripe represents the sinlesness and purity of our Lord. (1 Peter 2:22)

The narrow red stripe represents that by His stripes or wounds, we are healed. (1 Peter 2:4) The flavouring in the candy cane is peppermint which is similar to hyssop. Hyssop is of the mint family and was used in the Old Testament for purification and sacrifice. (John19:29)
When we break our candy cane it reminds us that Jesus body was broken for us. (1 Cor 11:24)

If we share our candy cane and give it to someone else in love because we want to, it represents the same love of Jesus because He is to be shared with one another in love.






hrmm... not just any candy ;)