concealed

behind every smile, behind every laughter,

lies a broken heart.

Stress

I don't even have the time to poo.


you get the point.

This is for you.

I thought that I'd try something different.
But I stumbled upon this which speaks right through my heart.
So, there you go...

This is for you.

The one person i can tell my heart to.
Who can relate to me like no other
Who I can laugh with to no extents,
Who I can cry to when times are tough,
Who can help me with the problems of my life.

Never have you turned your back on me
Or told me I wasn't good enough
Or let me down.

I don't think you know what that means to me
You have went through so much pain and you still have time
For me.
And I love you for listening even when inside you are dying.
And I look up to you because you are strong, and caring and beautiful.
Even though you don't think you are.

And I hope you know that I am always here
To listen to you laugh and cry and help
In all the ways that i can
And I will try to be at least half the friend you are
To me.

I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, without you.
And I thank God for you,
My best friend.



Happy 21st birthday Cheryl G. (affectionately known as ryl)

Love you and God bless :)

I close my eyes

..And I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place. Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now. In Christ, there are no goodbyes. And in Christ, there is no end. So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have.. To see you again.

Yes, I do..

like most girls,
have an ideal guy in mind.

muahahhahaahaha. I know I know I know.
I don't usually do this, just SO NOT me.

BUT today, i thought I'd reveal this little 'otherside' of me. hahah!


There goes..
1) Ryan Gosling- (man, the ultimate romance)
2)Joshua Ang- (bad boy kind, me like ; but apparently, taken-_-)
3)Milo Ventimiglia-(THIS. Unattainable)

And finally.
The one with THE character and THE personality that I've been looking for.
The one who's driving my adrenaline crazy.
The one who's keeping me up at nite.
The one who's made me felt like I've never FELT before. (???!)
The one.. the one... aahhhhh! dunno how to describe.

And he is..

Phillip Wang!


*faints*




p/s- and NO. It's NOT about/because of the looks. This isn't superficial. Definately NOT.





RYL!! WE ARE GOING TO THE STATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X)
(but uh, save up first -__-'')

I'm coming!!!

I.am.so.going.to.the STATES.


I can't believe you'd impact me THIS much.
urghh!

This is what you get

flora: "hey emmm!!! "
"wo gen ni shuo e chien shi, ni bu yao shang xin, hao ma?

"se mo?"

flora: "ni .... phang le.."

"-___-"

flora: "e tien tien la.. e tien tien!.. "

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*obviously 'hen tuo'.*



.... when you meet up with friends who havent seen you for a while.

This is what I call...

'hello, how are you?'
''good, thank you. table for 4??''
'sure!'
'any drinks for a start?'

*writes* 390ml..
*writes* can.
*writes* 2xcorkage

"lets just have some entree first..um.. three sping rolls, do you reckon?"
'yeah sure..:)' *writes*... 3 x S/R
"we'll get a short soup" *writes*.. s/p
"one honey chicken." *writes*.. hon chic
"sweet & sour pork" *writes*.. s/s pork
"Large deluxe fried rice." *writes*.. LDFR
"and a sizzling mongolian lamb" *writes*.. sizz mong lamb

'anything else??'

"oh and and maybe we should get a korean seafood noodles too'
* gosh, tht's just packet noodles -__-'' *

"and some sweetsour sauce too"

'that's a dollar extra'

''yeah sure,thts fine''

-___-'' *goodness*

-----


3+3.80+10.50+9.50+5.50+13.50+12+1+2.20+2.40+2= 56.40$


um..that's 56.40,
thank you!

*ka-ching!*
there you go, 3.60 change!


thank you darln'

*smiles*
'have a good nite!'
'see ya!'


*ringggg*... *ringgg*
"hello, ****** can i help you??
'can i have some food to take away please?'

oh sure?

...
...
...
'can i have your name?'
'your number??'
'thank you.'
'that will take about umm.. 10 minutes?'
''that's alright!"
'see ya!'


"pick up for **** ?"

'there you go!'
'have a good nite!'

*fakes smile*


A routine.

Not quite yet.

Its been 7 years since...

And I should be used to it by now.



But I am not.

It's ridiculous.



sigh...

pardon my..

I was blog surfing. and i stumbled upon this site- Tinkitalks.blogspot.com.

I've got no qualms whatsoever bout her opinions/thoughts/wtv and in fact I am rather impressed with the way she perceives matters. Very good read (for young women particularly;)

Anyway, that's not the point.

There was this post where she included some random girl power quotes in which one of them I find quite ticklish.

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy."– Erica Jong

hah, I see huge smiles on faces.

SO TRUE eh??

WHILE it is indeed true that smart women really don't go for dumb guys whilst smart guys always end up with bimbos..

My little mind can't help but think...

"um.. you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.. err.... simply because most women are dumb?"

.
.
.

Gosh! what's my problem??!!

I despise my negativity, really.

'pick up' line

''I drop a tear in the ocean.
And when they find it, I'll stop loving you.''


how bout' that? ;)

lost symphony

Was doin groceries after church when i received a msg from chantal and she said if i'm still keen on goin to watch her play in a competition at 2pm. I almost forgot.

Anyhow i decided that i should. Had no single clue what was that all about.

Got there at the performing arts centre in Warner's bay at 2 +.

I was snacking lollies away as Chantal gets nervous with every passing minute.

Dressed in a red lengthy sweater with a can-can skirt, she walks up the stage holding a manuscript on her right hand.

She squints her eyes as the brightness of the lights pierce through her eyes.

Yet still, able to afford a half smile while she introduces her solo piece.

She is Melody Huang

Immediately, she pulled the present chair away from the piano and dragged another chair over from the corner of the stage.

She made herself comfortable on her chair and that took a good 25 seconds.

'Man, she must be something.'

She gently place her fingers over the keys, and before i know it...

The judges stopped writing,

The lady who was half asleep at the corner of the hall, got up,

The little kid sitting infront stopped talking.

I was there, watching closely, listening so attentively,

I was mesmerized. for once I am proud to be an asian.

'man,she IS something'

And that was only her first piece. It only gets better each time she step up on stage. She never fails to impress everyone, every piece in every different categories.
I could not detect a single flaw. Her scales were mind-blowing.
I was practically idolizing her. Well, almost.
..
...Until she went up for her 4th piece,


Ahha!, finally. A slight turbulence. oh well. She's human afterall. I needed that so badly,(i'm such a sadist am i) .





No. I just wanted to prove one point.
Point proven. :)




Chantal-2nd place for every category. She's already a champion the moment she step up on stage anyway ;)






If there was one place on earth that will be fulfilling.
Saw that? Right there. That very spot. My ultimate dream:)

..






This rather old granny came up to us.
She looks 80+ and she's still playing the piano every single day. Despite what her parents said bout her pursuing her piano, she continued with her passion. As she recalls what her former piano teacher said to her, she quote:


" You don't play the notes, you play the music that's written in it"

and I saw tears welled up in her eyes.





Which reminds me..

You and I got along so well. I was determined, pursuing you all my life. I fought for you. I struggled to keep you. I persevered. You were my best company. My best friend. You were my passion.
You were the one.

what went wrong?




I'm sorry I neglected you.
I'm sorry I gave up on you.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
I'm sorry you used to be my number one and now you're hardly remembered.
I'm sorry I didn't choose you.



No you were never forgotten, How could i ever. You never left me.

You know I'll come back for you.



Wait for me.

blog-on!

Someone said I should start writing proper posts. As in, not jz brief lines or having one whole entire post anaphorically written.



Apart from the fact that I naturally don't write so well (but still taktau malu wanna blog) and try my best to keep my posts short to avoid too many grammar mistakes, I thought that I'd reveal this much about me and yet, not enough for one to truly know me.

Hang on, hear me out.



I agree that blogging is indeed a good way to keep in touch especially when you're apart from friends, but see, here's the catch. we begin to take for granted when everything seems so convenient. Then we tend to not take the effort to call, or simply chat online. Cuz with only a click away, you can simply just read her/his blog (when you're free/ feel like it) and, tadaaa. You assume, you know what's going on.



I am not generalizing.



I guess not revealing enough simply creates the chance of having conversations between 2 friends as you chat online, or rather, when 2 friends meet up? Not just mere conversations, but genuine ones because trust me, ppl reveal only what they choose to reveal. You don't know much untill to talk to them in person.

(ah,...I'm not very much a cyber person, am I)



I am not saying writing a 1000 words post is a bad thing. but I am only implying that writing less does not necessarily mean it is a bad thing.



and this is also something that i ought to work on.

Call my friends more often. Send meaningful smses. Meet up.

I could be really annoying sometimes.

I know. -___-''



I'm not too sure what I am trying to prove either. Nvm, disregard this post.

Aftermath of FOCUS camp

I learned...

that I need to be more diciplined when it comes to reading my bible.

that I've got poor general knowledge.

that I'm blessed with great friends.

that I need to pray more often.

A new word.

that I am ignorant.

that I've got my priorities all wrong.

that I need to take up at least, A sport.

to accept differences.

there are indeed caring ppl in this world.

that I suck at telling lies.

that christians are also human and are imperfect.

that I am too harsh sometimes.

that I need to be more appreciative.

that I am a good accuser.

that I CAN dice cucumbers.

that I should be less sensitive.

to accept hard facts.

that God should be the focus in my life.

that I've been stagnant in my music.

that the opposite sex are indeed very much the opposite.

that I've been selfish.

what does it mean to be in the body of Christ.

that there are so many hidden talents.

that I have so much more to learn.

that my stamina never improved,


yet,I survived camp :)

ShoutOut

Happy 21st, Shwu Tyng :)

....
..
.

...and thank you for the 14 years friendship.

i mean it @_@













really!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My happy ending.

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the sh*t that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

So much for my happy ending..

-Avril Lavigne's - My happy ending-






which reminds me..
..

mooncake & lanterns VS bush dance & BBQ

Had a decent FOCUS gathering ytd.

one word: Awesome!


Venue was at Raymond Terrace. (Rolf's house)-I hope I spell that correctly
1/2 hour drive in Mich's car, with WenYa, ze and me being the passengers.
Arrived at about 7 or so.

Was an outdoor thing though.
We started off with some BBQ..

BBQ pitt .(reminds me of home.. sobs*)

(not very fond of the current camera though,doesnt produce as good pictures as my previous one)

chicken,beef/lamb i dunno,something liver,sausages,spanish eyes.

Apparently, you just make a hole in the middle of the bread and put an egg in the middle and taddaa!- ''spanish eyes''!

Don't ask me why. no one knows why. Dave asked why not chinese eyes, cuz it's yellow in colour wad?

-__-''

Well I think he should just make french toast. Because when he make a hole in the middle of the bread,he throws tht piece away and it is such a waste!

salads...

Paul & Dene did their 'thing'. Pretty impressive though.

I'm sure there are more pics . but not in my camera. Didn't really have the time to *snap snap* cuz I was too bz being 'spontaneous' .aherm

Dene & his lill Eliott & his puppy..

J.shi & shy Elliot.

Mostly, catching up with ppl.
Talk talk talk. Eat eat eat
(will try to get more pics)

Proceeded with mooncakes (all the way from Gosford by Dave) and Jess gave a brief myth about the existance of mooncake. hahah.

Had lanterns hanging all around the garden. Really pretty scene.

I PROMISE I was gonna capture a picture of this nice lantern when all of a sudden it fell off the branch and burnt. -_-''

"Everyone,! Eat your mooncake and gaze at the moon while you're at it" - (Jess, 2007)
I find that pretty hillarious!

but we all did as told, anyway.

caught in the act. very spontaneous. I like ;)
That's wenYa and Ze.

An attempt to capture the moon. failed.

ahhh.. Classic.

me still looking fat in pics. will consider posting up my pics when i think i've lost some weight heh ^-^

Jess & J.shi read out some riddle to us. And as usual I was too slow to even understand the riddle, what more thinking of an answer. [no presents for me :( ]

Best things always comes at the end.
Had the grand bush dance. (A very typical aussie tradition, or maybe it's just newie?)
Joyce taught us the steps. Far out.
We got exhausted by the end of it.

And that's not just it. Matt suggested "The Hookie pookie" immediately after the dance.
Now THIS is the crazy fun part.
The circle was HUGE.

Was completely worn-out by the end of the day.

. .

Good music. great company. genuine conversations. invaluable quality time.

When was the last time I truly let my hair down.

*exhale..*

It's been a while..

God = Love

Did a one-on-one bible reading with J.shi today,our usual on wednesdays.

We proceeded with 1 John 4:7. "God's love and ours"



We were going through the passage and this verse struck me, again.
"We love because He first loved us" 1John4:19.
And it reminds me of my first few encounters with God.

Oh yea, this is one of the first few basics of christianity and some of you would have known this verse by heart.
But this verse serves as one of my most prominent life altering moment.

I grew up with the understanding that love exist. And by nature, i do love as well.
And all these while, especially for those who know me really well, know that I love with all my heart, and I give up my all, just for love. Having to go through every single thing regardless of what I had to sacrifice, I would. And all for the sake of love.

Untill at one point I started questioning, Why was I the only one who is able to love 100% and give in 101% when it comes to this person I love, and often I ended up in frustrations. I thought all these while, I was the only one who is able to love that much. And I even thought of how much I've done just for love and NO ONE can love this much. All these eventually led to pride.

I became so self-righteous in love.


"We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19
And it really struck me hard. What was I even thinking? How was I even able to love if it weren't for Him. What love was I even talking about. Where did it even come from?


Let's look at how the bible describe Love :

"Love is patient,love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4.

Love does not boast. But I fail that one.
Love is not proud. I fail that too.
Love is not self-seeking. Where I have been.
Love is not easily angered. Countless times where love was never returned.
Love does not envy. And I envy just as much.
Love always trusts. This, I fail half the time.
Love never fails. .. ......


I fail to love. I did.



I can never live up to this expectation. The true definition of love.
After all these years of being so righteous bout love.
First of all, I was abled by Him to Love and without Him I am nothing. and I will not even be given the privilege to know what Love is like. But there I was, talking and preaching about Love, just as the world did. About how much effort I have been putting in and the sacrifices I have made when it comes to love and how much I understood love.



oh how little did i know.


It is not I who s sacrificed, it is not I who s loved so much. I never did. I never could have. Because I am imperfect.

It is He who loved so much. It is He who gave His only Son. It is Jesus who has sacrificed. It is He who is able to give His love 100%. He is God and God is love. The true definition of Love.



I was blind. But now I see. It is just so overwhelming and comforting to know that there is a perfect Love although we are living in a broken world. Relationships don't lasts and love often fail us and all these because of sin. But be still and know that there is a God who offers love, a love so perfect and everlasting.

It is through Jesus now that I am able to love.


And I can never thank Him enough for this :)

M. I. C. K. E. Y. .. M. O .U .S. E lalalaaa..

YES.


except that his name is not mickey.






i present you..
.
.
.
.
.


Pinkeyyyyy.!. (eh,i suka-lah...)


my subject for today :)


This is not the 'before' picture.





Ok, the story begin like this, we were suppose to dissect a mouse and i was getting all excited~ and when the demonstrator showed us how to go about it, and i thought that's it, i am not doin this. It's too cruel.

Fortunately, we don't have to kill the mice. The mice has been killed,for us -__-''


My partner sp, was late,and I ended up having to do the 'surgery' alone. fuyohhh. *feeling like a surgeon*


Since we are not allowed to hold on to anything that will be go out of the lab, ie handphones, (to avoid contamination) I did it anyway :D

But see, i changed my gloves a couple of times all for the sake of the pictures and since i was sitting at the back row,Alone.as usual.*sobsob *.. NO ONE COULD SEE ME.

AND I secretly took out my hp . he he he.





This is messy. I didn't have the opportunity to take the 'before' picture, because this lab assistant, (chinese malaysian girl) was so afraid that I'll freak out alone with the mouse and she kept looking at me handling the mouse, and telling me what to do.which was quite helpful,quite.


We had to cut off the two limbs, and then try to remove the muscles and tissues as clean as possible so that we will be left with the bones. (yeah, we are suppose to extract the bone marrow)




and this is supposingly the 'after' picture. When the two limbs are cut off.





and this is the bone. after all the hard work.
(It tends to be less scary when it becomes a job)





And i dont have the picture when i was flushing out the bone marrow. BecauseTheGirlWasWatchingMe,again. So basically, the bone marrow is in the bone duhh and we had to inject some media solution into the bone cavity with a syringe and then flush the bone marrow out, until the bone look transparent.



muscle tissues everywhere... eeeeEEEeeeeee



The fur is so soft ... i actually further skinned the mouse and i wanted to bring this home but got scolded by some of them :(








Haemocytometer.
This. was after everything. Had to do cell counting under the microscope.
Had to post this up, cuz I injected the sample under the glass. what a perfect square ^-^'' ahhh...
(for those who don't quite understand, that's fine. Just feel the joy and satisfaction with me
^-^)

And after the whole satisfaction thing and all..
No, i haven't changed my mind. I am still NOT for lab work after degree.


Started at 2pm and finished at 5.30pm. -__-
Not good.



Proceeded to AIC after that, (wanted to be a hero,again) thinking i could continue with my next assignment.


And those killers. i never bought them. (I'm broke, remember?) STILL, someone has to distribute them. !!!joyce!!!!
ahh..I can never run away from them. Now you see where the source of my fats .





and No, I'm not at Uni. I left.
I'm blogging at home, i needed to do something 'non-academic' :)

......

Dear God,
Help me to be still, yet not quiet.
to be firm, yet not harsh.
to be gentle, yet not soft.
to be understanding, yet not compromising.
to be confident, yet not proud.
to be honest, yet not offensive.
to be principled, yet not judgmental.

God, change me.