24th Dec

It has always been you making me proud, but never the other way round.

Im sorry I didn't turn out the way you want me to.

I'm sorry that your friends' child do so well in school and always make them proud but because of me, you can never experience such pride.

You had only one chance in raising me up and yet you did it so well.

I am sorry I should be looking after you now but you are still doing the job.

I am sorry I still make you worry so much.

I've been so dependent on you I can't imagine what I'd do without you.

I am sorry I never appreciate the things you've done for me, instead I get so angry at you because of what you didn't provide me.

Things only got worse when I had to go against you because of what i believe,
and because of that it hurts so much that I feel so connected to you yet so far away from you.

I know i've disappoint you countless times and I've upset you.

So today, I wanna let you know,
I am sorry again because I am not going to pursue what you want me to.
I won't want to pursue wealth.
I won't want to pursue status.
I won't want to pursue fame.
because if I do, this will make you happy.
I am sorry, I don't want to make you happy.

because I love you.

and because i love you, I don't want to just make you happy.
I want so much more for you.
I don't want just happiness for you,
I want happiness that is everlasting for you.
I want salvation for you.

I believe ..
..there will be that day where we can just talk about anything under the sky.
there will be that day where we will say grace together.
there will be that day where we will make godly decisions together.
and there will be that day where we will celebrate the true meaning of christmas together.


though you will never understand now, but I believe you will one day.

and I am not giving up,..
..even if that consumes me.
because i love you.

and that, is what I will do for you.

Happy birthday mummy.

love,
your beloved daughter.